Why Abstinence Only Sex Ed Doesn't Work

Dear Tom,
Thomas Edward Brady, Jr.! Don't you make me full name you again! Babies out of wedlock are fine and all, but you *CLEARLY* need a little lesson in how to use condoms.

Here's the FAQ for teens, since I've got the feeling you're a beginner. There's a handy tutorial illustrated here under "How to use a condom."

Just some food for thought, Tom. We've been through a lot together, from you splitting time with Drew "Do The Drew" Henson back when we were in school, to now. And I like you, but man, you gots to learn that the pleasures of the flesh must curbed when you don't have a condom ready.
Cheers,
Your friend and fellow alumni